The Big Jungle: Jungle Jargon


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Jungle Jargon

Your guide to understanding the conversations in the Jungle.




A.R.S.E.H.O.L.E.: The Anglia Railways Sweeney Executive for the Higher Order of Locomotive Explosions, courtesy of The Small Sarcastic One
 See also Sgt Maj Cheese

Aaarghhhhh!: The sound made by passengers in Alan's motor vericle

Academise: To attend the Student Union venue (usually) in a drunken manner
 "Are you Academising tonight?"

AFAIK: As Far As I Know
 Often found in Usenet speak

Aged Giffer: Older person
 Examples include Mr R Mortis, Mr James West, Miss Anne-Louise Lee

Avco podge: What any male member of the Avco Systems staff develops
 Just add beer, doughnuts and cream buns, whilst driving a computer

B.A.S.T.A.R.D: The Bitchy And Sarcastic Team for the Acquisition of Redundant Diesels
 Comprising The Small Sarcastic One and GPOD

Beth: A very strange young lady who has dropped out of our life, due to graduating
 Previous compère in the Academy. Described by Craig Charles as having a cleavage resembling a ski slope

Biffa: A person who consumes much food
 Also a waste disposal company. See also Fat Biffa

Blag: To commit a bank robbery.

Blagger: One who perpetrates a blag
 Also Mr MT House.

Boing!: Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing!
 Multi-purpose word. See also squinty

Bounce!: The hypothetical porn movie that Jez will be making now he has a video mixer
 He has a bright orange spacehopper, and just needs to find a pair of lesbians

Boy Racer: Traditional young male with well modified car
 Not to be confused with Gary. See keved-up.

BPOD: Blond Prophet of Doom
 New name for GPOD after hair colour change

Bread Pudding: A "cake", produced by Mummy S, with an interesting consistency
 Currently being researched by several institutes around the world to see if it really is the dark matter that makes up most of the mass of the Universe

Breasts: Not what you might think!
 Laptop computer belonging to Miss Penelope Cutler.

Camp Sermons: Residential area, tents in use
 Common at Chappel Beer Festival

Captain Sermons: Captain of the HMS Bananaboat.
 Also father of Mr R Mortis.

CBA: Can't be arsed
 Typical attitude in the house, and with students in general.

CBS: Comfy Bed Syndrome
 What Alan suffers from on a regular basis.

Chateau Swing: House of The Sultans of Swing
 Adopted residents Mr James West, Mr Charlie Weeks-Bell, Mr Alex Barnett (occ.) Also Camp Swing

CTR: Crash Team Racing
 PS2 Game played by Mr A Barnett, Mr J Laws-Beatham and Mr C Weeks-Bell.

Curry: Foodstuff for Charlie
 Will always be bought up in response to the question of food by his ladyship...

Debian: GNU/Linux variant preferred by Alan (and Avco).
 If you are vaguely interested, click here.

DJ Jism: What Jeremy's DJ name really is...
 Cheers for that comment, Beth, it has stuck...

EARM: The East Anglian Railway Museum, located near Colchester.

ECS: Errant Cock Syndrome
 As suffered by the Tart

Elephants: Another name for Elements
 Every Friday at the Acadamy, cheep if you get in before 10:30pm

ENS: Erect Nipple Syndrome
 See also PNE

Essex Moment: Like a SBM, but slower

Fag Hack: A female accomplished in chatting up/pulling/sleeping with gay men.
 Miss Anne-Louise Lee does not wish to be described as a Fag Hack.

FanQ: Well work it out!
 Means Thank You for the Innits amongst you. I know you don't use those words very often

FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions
 Not to be confused with FanQ

Fat Biffa: A person who consumes much food beyond reason
 See biffa

Felch: A word used generally around the house in an inane manner
 If you don't know, don't ask.

FYI: For Your Information
 Often found in Usenet speak

FYP: Final Year Project
 What Alan has to finish to get his degree. He's on his third attempt at the moment.

Gaffer: The material representation of the Force
 It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together, especially if Alan's around...

Gary: Younger version of Kev
 Also the sort to drive badly modified cars at high speed and in reckless manner. See also Boy Racer or keved-up.

Giffer: Someone a bit dense/thick/slow
 See also Aged Giffer.

GPOD: Ginger Prophet Of Doom
 A term used to describe Mr James West

Granny: Common name for Miss Anne-Louise Lee
 Courtesy of Mr James West.

Heifer: A fat munter
 Also large bovine farm creature

Innit: General "localspeek".
 Used instead of full stops in spoken language innit

Innits: Persons usually of Asian descent, but always from Hayes, interested in little except Garage music and making trouble
 Usually not acquainted well with the English Language. See also Townie or Slapper

Johnnies: The collective noun for a group of St. John Ambulance personnel
 At least it is according to the Tart

Kev: A particular type of man, often seen in the role of Townie or Innits
 Wardrobe - limited to Burberry baseball caps facing skywards, track bottoms rolled up above ankles, hair greased down beneath baseball cap to fringe. See also keved-up

Keved-up: Car that has been modified in an extreme manner, with very little care
 Usually seen driven by a Kev or a Gary.

Legs: Items that should be avoided in shorts
 Also the Word of the Day is legs, go out and spread the word

Linux: An alternative Operating System for computers.
 We like it - it's free, but agreeing on the appropriate flavour causes endless arguments.

Luvvie: An actor/actress who thinks far too much of themselves
 See here for more info.

McChicken: A campaign will be started to save the McChicken
 Please enquire for details

Meep: Multi-Purpose word, courtesy of Spookie
 See also Wibble or Squinty

Mimi: Citroën 2CV6 Spécial.
 Property of Mr Alex E.A. Barnett.

Ming(1): To be unpleasant to sight/smell/touch
 "You ming sir! Have a wash!"

Ming(2): The sound made by very strange people around the house

Minge: Phrase to be heard from the BuffySwear website.
 Point of note - This website has absolutely nothing to do with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, despite bearing reference to her!

Mini-Townie: 12 Year Old Townie
 See also Slappette

Miss Ariadne Superchips-Puddlejumper: Citroën 2CV6 Spécial Dolly.
 Property of Mr Charlie Weeks-Bell, also known as 'Chips'.

Miss McSpank: Miss Layla Cole
 Nail Artiste Extraordinaire. Also attendee of Pippa's Party

Mmmkay: Don't say f**k
 Say Mmmkay.

Mobile Internet Tea Café: Proprietor Mr R Mortis
 Purveyor of fine teas.

Mrs Slocombe: Mrs Sally Robinson
 She has an appointment with her pussy at 7

Muffin: Name applied to Miss Katy Moon by The Tart
 Also known as She with the Fine Arse

Mummy S: Matriarch of the Bread Pudding Factory
 Also mother of Mr R Mortis.

Munted: To be so pissed that you pull a munter

Munter: Someone who mings visually. Often pulled whilst munted
 "Did you know? Mr Morley pulled a fat munter in the disabled toilets of the Academy"

Muppet: Multi-Purpose word, see also Numpty
 Also Jim Henson's finest creation

Nasty Green Death Pills: Name for Peas, according to Mr Jeremy D. Poulter.

Needle Naddle Noo: Term used in humorous situation
 Origin - the Goon Show. Meaning - unknown.

Numpty: A useless person, one possessing little knowledge or common sense
 Possibly a Tart

Opera: Internet Browser, preferred by Mr R Mortis and The Tart
 For more information, click here

PBM: Permanent Blonde Moment
 See also SBM

Petrol: Fuel for cars. Just 'cos you don't drive Charlie, you still need it in cars...
 See numpty.

PHP: Pronounced fff'p
 Language used to write these webpages

Pippa's Party: Infamous partificatory occasion at Chappel & Wakes Colne
 See 23rd November in Calendar for more details.

Pizza: Foodstuff for sheep
 If another meal has been suggested, raise the subject of pizza. The decision will invariably change to such.

PNE: Prominent (or Painful) Nipple Erection
 See also ENS

PS2: Sony Playstation II
 Source of endless entertainment.

Purple Haze: Alternative name for Scopie Juice
 Also song by Jimi Hendrix

Q3A: Quake 3 Arena
 'nuff said...

Red Hat: Linux variant that Jez likes - it powers our servers.
 If you are vaguely interested, click here.

Rikachu: A small, squeaky person of the female variety

Rimming: If you don't know, don't ask!

Rust: Allegedly what a plastic & aluminium chair does if you leave it out in the rain
 See numpty.

Satan: Paradoxical Cat by the name of Goblin
 Satan - Also God. Property of Spookie

SBM: Seriously Blonde Moment
 See also PBM

Scopie Juice: Blue Aftershock & Red Aftershock
 To drink, one must be a Lord Scopie, or a blagger. Also known as Purple Haze or Sadistic Shot

SETI: The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence
 Can be found here. Hopefully they can lend us some if they find any...

SETI@home: A distributed computing program running on idle computers
 We have lots of these, obviously. Details can be found here

Sgt Maj Cheese: Mr M T House. Never to be a visitor to the Jungle
 Also His Imperial Majesty or The Squeaky Twat or the Twat in the Hat or The Lord Jesus Cheese or The Managing Director, Anglia Railways or Penfold or just Cheese

Slapper: Tarty munter
 Commonly found in the Hayes area (with the exception of the lovely Miss Jones)

Slappette: A young slapper in training
 Not in widespread use

Spookie: Miss Nicola Grant
 Occasional visitor to the house, regular attendee of Pippa's Party.

Squinty: Multi-purpose word
 See also Wibble.

Stef: Mercedes 500SEL
 Property of Mr Charlie Weeks-Bell, Also Miss Bradley of Mechanical Engineering fame (and misfortune)

Stomach: Item, usually large, best kept covered even in summer months

Student Apathy: I can't be bothered to write anything for this...

Students' Union: Building & organisation at Brunel University
 Notably completely useless as of late. See www.brunelstudents.com for more information.

Sultans of Swing: Mummy S & Captain Sermons
 Also Swingers of Marks Tey, Family Swing

Tart: Common name for Mr Charlie Weeks-Bell.
 Also small pastry case containing fruit filling.

Tea: The elixir of life

Tea Belly: Alan's answer to a beer belly
 It appeared after a year not drinking, and is a variant of the Avco podge.

Teaboy's Taxi Service: The generic name for whichever vericle Alan is currently driving
 Has ranged from his Metro up to a 7.5ton flatbed lorry... so far. The Union minibus is the usual one though.

The Beast: Mr Joseph Laws-Beatham
 Boyfriend of Miss Vicky Price.

The Goon Show: Humorous BBC radio programme (roughly) 1956 onwards

The Horse: Large BBQ from Homebase
 So named because of the size of the damn thing.

The Small Sarcastic One: Mr Damien Stabler of EARM

Townie: Persons to be seen in groups wearing tracksuit bottoms, lots of gold & sovereign rings, and listening to Garage music
 Examples include Slappers and Innits. See also Mini-Townie

TQM: Tiny Queer Monkeys
 Also Total Quality Management, but that's irrelevant.

Tromboning: If you don't know, don't ask!

TWEP: Terminate With Extreme Prejudice
 A technical term for politely rebooting computers

Twix: Brunel University, "West London", Twickenham Campus. Where Jez plays every Friday night (Now defunct)
 Also chocolate covered biscuit & caramel bar

Usenet: Newsgroup system, based on the NNTP protocol
 See Jungle Newsgroups for examples of Usenet

Vanilla: A measure of how adventurous you are in bed
 If you are vanilla, you are plain & simple, but very pleasant. If you are more adventurous, you are non-vanilla, you see?

Vericle: A motor vehicle driven by any blagger from Tiptree,
 with, or without a dodgy strawberry

WAP: Work Avoidance Protocol
 Something that the Tart is researching whenever anyone suggests the washing up

Wibble: A generic term
 Usable in any number of situations

Your Larger Half: Used in conversation with Miss V Price
 Refers to The Beast

Zabjugs: No one's really sure what Zabjugs means, but they may have something do with the action of Felch.


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Page last updated on Friday, 07 May 2004

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